Thursday, April 9, 2009

Glory in the Gaps

It’s bubbling over…my heart that is…not gently…but almost exploding with emotion! I cannot contain it any longer!! These past two weeks have been different; busy but not…quiet still moments mixed with rushed hectic ones. Such is life at times; I’m gathering. It’s a bit perplexing with emotions seeming to be exploding and yet still feeling pent up at the same time. I’m trusting that God will answer my prayer as I write. Isn’t it bizarre how we can feel torn between two things…two emotions…two tasks…two choices…two loves…
I’ve been feeling a bit torn between choosing to be and choosing to do….choosing to be restful and choosing to do some work…choosing to be content with yes and choosing to do the unthinkable and say no…choosing to be true and speak and choosing to do what my heart beckons and remain silent…choosing to be honest and share and choosing to do what I was taught and keep private…choosing to be with my list and choosing to do with my list…
Do you have a to do list? Either a physical one on your fridge or in your computer; or maybe yours is kept inside your head? Are there things on your list that have been on there for a long while—way over do and nagging to be crossed off? I’ve been working on those things and plugging away and honestly I’m torn right now between choosing to go check something off of my list or sit here and reflect on my God’s kindness and care for me. My girlfriend used to have a bumper sticker that read “Love Wins!” And I’m picturing it right now…choosing to allow Love to win in my heart right now.
As much as I want to go get something done…my heart yearns to solidify and make concrete in my heart His love! I do treasure the moments I choose to remember His love…
Over spring break my boys and I went on several bike rides (sometimes several times in just one day). My young boys have so reminded me how fresh and new the things are around us. A desert can seem…well deserted and dreadful…yet still so full of life and beauty!! So much like my heart seems to be at times.
On one of the bike rides I spent a lot of time behind the boys and listened to their brotherly chatter…their conversations consist often about telling each other what is “cool!” I heard my oldest gearing the youngest up for the treck up ahead and said “Remember what we saw yesterday…let’s go see if it is still there!!!”
I felt God’s loving hands remind my heart that He so wishes for me to revisit and remember all the times I’ve shared with Him. I know now that all of my breathable moments have been spent with Him. Even times before I even knew about Him…He was there. Remembering the times with Him and reminiscing with Him brings me such joy!
Well…remember the moment He spoke to me about His grace through the wonderful Yucca plant? I had a breathtaking moment where I revisited with Him this past week. Remember the tall stalks in the plant don’t always grow and bud…they rely on the Yucca moth to do his/her thing. Just like we need to rely on God to fill us with His grace and do His thing in each one of us.
Well, on our way to school I noticed a landscaping crew cutting down the thick woody stems of some Yucca plants and dragging the tall stems full of budding flowers down the path and heard a gasp from the back seat; as my young boys who were noticing all of this with me. (My boys know all about the Yucca plant now you see…I couldn’t let my boys go as long as I did with not knowing about the Yucca plant AND most importantly God’s grace!!)
Being the inquisitive learner that God has wired me to be; I Googled the plant again when I got home. I found that the woody stems are cut down to enable the plants to focus on their root growth—especially if it is a young plant. My husband pointed out later too that in the wild the plants are likely to topple over and become uprooted if they grow too lofty. Hmmmm….such is so with us and our tender hearts.
We need not focus on our growth and measuring how tall we are becoming…just keep plugging away…keep digging…keep seeking…keep going!!!
As I am typing this…my BFF just whispered…”hmmm maybe the same is true with your to do list…stop measuring it…just keep going!!!” (Give me a second while I wipe the tears, and give my BFF a hug).
I think today I will allow my BFF to cut down anything He so desires in me in order that all my energy can be allocated for rooting in His Word…in His Truth…in His love. Help me Father to use both hands…both my head and my heart…my EVERYTHING to keep plugging…keep digging and keep going! And when I can’t get EVERYTHING to cooperate, (which is ALL OF THE TIME!!!) I’m going to rely on Him to fill in the gap; for I know my BFF is good at allowing His glory to fill in our gaps!
Okay…I think it is time to get on with this brand new day… off to “follow Him”…HOPE YOURS IS WONDERFUL TOO and that you hear His words, “Follow me” throughout your day too!!!

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