I've been feeling a little bit like swiss cheese and also have been enjoying this time of rest and spring break with my kiddos. So many thoughts and illustrations are piling up in my brain and heart...I'm only eager to send the kids back to school so that I can write it all out for His glory.
Today I'm again reading in Isaiah 40 and realizing how much my Jesus has FREED me. Not only from a destiny of dread but daily He FREES my mind and my heart.
I'm realizing how much I need to schedule in times of rest so that I may experience fully the wholeness that comes from knowing Him and with that also comes the realization of the true wreck that I am.
We all have holes in our souls and without God filling them in daily we are simply trying to fill in all the holes ourselves. Or even sometimes doing everything we can to avoid noticing the depth of the holes! Stillness requires our attention and focus to just be.
BE...then, and only then can I acknowledge that I am:
Like a drop in a bucket…regarded as dust on the scales…not sufficient…not enough…less than nothing…
As a child I believed I was all of that because that's what my daddy communicated in every way possible and I thought I would spend my whole life trying to conquer those lies...
So twisted this world is in our thinking...hard to wrap my mind around the fact that my God in a way agrees with what my daddy communicated...but only a partial truth!! FOR HE MADE ME AND I AM FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE!
My daddy only told me half truths because my daddy never knew the ONE TRUE GOD and the possibilities that he also had to hope in the Lord and renew his strength...he always wanted to soar...an air force pilot he was...the type of soaring I experience now with God...he never could fathom!!
Yes Daddy...we are all nothing WHEN compared to our God...and HALLELUJAH...because if I was SOMETHING WITHOUT GOD, I would be blinded and unaware of my desperate need of HIM--MY SAVIOR.
I want God to fill the holes...if anything...working and doing and trying to fill the holes myself is EXHAUSTING!!!
Father, you know it pains me so that my daddy did not teach me...yet I forgive him and his ways--YES I REALLY DO! Please continue to heal this heart of mine and give me strength...strength to be brave and acknowledge all of the holes inside of me and may I allow ONLY YOU to fill the holes found here and there.
For, I know you Father and I am okay with feeling a bit like swiss cheese!