Wednesday, September 10, 2008

White Ladybugs?

It’s been difficult deciding what to post; I’ve been journaling so much on my own and processing through a lot with God. I’ve been participating in a very in-depth Bible Study titled Seeking Him and it is all about revival. It has caused me to journal a ton and reflect on my heart, my ever still broken heart. I am convinced that it is meant to stay that way to some extent while I am here in this broken world to remind me that I am in need of Him every second of every day.
Old thoughts, old wounds, old journal entries, old lessons have been on my mind as I read His Word with fresh eyes and ears today. Whatever season this is I am embracing it because I know He is here with me; I am His and He has freed me from my chains. (Psalm 116:16).
I admit I am not feeling the joy as powerfully today; but am still praising Him for all that He has done for me! I am remembering several of His gifts and one of them is the ladybugs he gave me this summer. He reminded me of them just a week ago while up north visiting some friends when with my boys when we spotted a white lady bug. I never knew there was such a thing…such a sweet treasure I thought, just like diving into His Word everyday finding something new that I never knew before while still clinging to the promises that I know in His Word.

The ladybug reminded me of God’s gift to me this summer seeing them on the beach every time I visited, whether it was early in the summer, late in the summer, Southern California or further north in Oregon…I saw them and thanked God for them. It seemed fitting to see a white one at the end of this season…it was different and so bizarre...for me the white symbolizes His holiness for me and my own heart surrendering to His will. Something I am so trying to focus on right now.

These past few months I have dealt with hurts, hurts from life, hurts from others and hurts brought on by myself. They seem to have risen up at different moments; but it seems to be a pretty constant thing this past season…sending me to my knees—well actually face down on the floor. I have been reminded of my need to pour out my heart out to my God and my need to stay in the TRUTH of His Word allowing Him to meet me with love and grace and cleanse what is mine and allow me to leave what is not mine to hold at His feet--all so that I can be free in Christ!!!

I was running on the beach this summer and then had an irresistible urge to take off my socks and tennis shoes and walk in the wet sand and allow the waves of the ocean rush over my tired feet. The beach was a little busy but I felt as if I was there all alone with my God. I pictured the water washing over me cleansing me and making me pleasant in His sight—this truly is the only way He can look at me…thank you Jesus! I was having my own little praise and worship time…when another older grandpaish man walked by…I instantly thought “Wow, if my dad was still alive that looks like him…” and there right after that thought was My God’s wonderful whisper…”Just as you have grown to forgive your father…surely you will forgive others who have offended you.” I wept there on the beach and thanked God for again making Himself known!!
He is so right!!! And not only can I forgive others, I can forgive myself when I have messed up because He forgives us all and died for us all. Then I saw something kind of peculiar…1 ladybug on the beach…it looked like it was drowning in the water…kind of stuck…then I saw another a few steps away….then about 30 more steps another and then maybe 50 steps away another…I began to collect these ladybugs and let them rest on my tennis shoes I was carrying. How peculiar I thought…I’ve never seen a ladybug on the beach…there are no plants around for them . I decided to take them back to the condo I was staying at and put them on the patio where there are lots of plants for them to rest on…
I began to think of the ladybugs and the children’s book titled “The Grouchy Ladybug” and how they eat little aphids and keep plants healthy. If I were a plant…Oh, how I sensed my own need of some ladybugs, I am growing at what feels like at an exponential rate right now and I think there are little aphids (possibly employed by my enemy and yours…’the evil one.’) I really could use some ladybugs to clean me up and do some work on these leaves of mine.
I felt my God nudging me…I am larger than these ladybugs and can do WAY more than they can and I am right here with you; please just ask me to help you.
God gifted me with 7 ladybugs total that morning…one for every day of the week! And yes I have challenges, struggles and difficulties in this life but I am NEVER alone…He is always right here with me and wants to help me grow! Surely He will gladly send some ladybugs to help me grow….
Just when my tears started to flood my eyes a bigger wave came in…and I saw a large whip-like strand of seaweed come in…I did not want to get tangled in it and I heard Him whisper with a voice of authority as if He was commanding me like a Bodyguard would dictate to his assignment…KEEP WALKING!!!

Oh, isn’t that just what it is all about, there are all kinds of things to entangle us in this world and the enemy is forever trying to snare us on something…but God is also there, speaking His truth into our lives and holding our hand as we take each step and grow into the flowers…or women he has intended for us to be!!!

I so need to be reminded of this…and praise God for his gifts…I have never been more in love with my Savior. And now more than ever I am especially fond of His creation…particularly lady bugs! Lord, please keep the waves you remind me of Your Presence and Your love.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hey! Even though you feel you're moving on from Ladybugs do you want me to send you a print of that painting I made? Just let me know what size and whatnot and I'll get it in the mail ASAP :-)

Love ya! and MISS YOU!