Saturday, August 16, 2008

A Desire To Be Brave And Also Giggle With Delight

I don’t think you can see it in the picture. It is really not just a picture of our lantana in the front yard. It is something pretty cool that reminded me of how much our God tries to communicate with us. We don’t see many uniform spider webs here in Arizona….they are mostly the messy sticky ones but this one is beautiful and the boys love looking at it every morning. They actually watched the large spider wrap up and save it’s bug snack one morning. Also in the picture are two yellow butterflies that I have been seeing everywhere and I heard God whisper to me how we are on a continual metamorphosis with Him—but just as the butterfly can after a time be free—there is so much freedom found in knowing Him.

I don’t know enough about picture taking to know how to best capture this photo but I’m happy with the way it is even if you cannot see it. You see I guess it is also the same about how I see and hear God speak to me; it may seem foreign and weird to some and that is just fine with me. Just as I don’t claim to know much about picture taking; I don’t claim to know much about God either (I was on the 10 year plan to graduate from college and my tenure for getting to know Him I know will take a lifetime. Don’t get me wrong, I do know that He loves me and loves you and I think He is flattered when the majority of our thoughts throughout the day are of Him.
It is a journey and I know my journey is unique to me. It is so important to me that I communicate that…I don’t think that hearing God whisper to you while you glance at the clouds is any inclination of how close you are to God…it is just my unique relationship! And I’ve said it before and I will say it again…I write to make my joy complete—God’s ways and love astound me and I don’t know what else to do with this bursting out of my heart and soul; but to write it down and share it! Whether my steps are full of joy or sadness my heart desires to express praise and glory to Him.

Talking about steps; my steps this week has been challenging. In particular trying to take time to breathe and even with being intentional with having quiet moments alone with God it has been a struggle to stay focused. I am in desperate need of finding my new rhythm with both boys in school; God placing new opportunities before me and my own list of expectations that I set for myself. I surely don’t want to seem like a wimp and it is my first instinct to cover up these feelings. I know I am not captive to this rush of activity and I know that God wants me to know that I am free and to just move at His tempo…but how do I stay right where He wants me to—at the center of His will for me?

I am frustrated, after a full summer of enjoying time away with my family and friends and unbelievable God moments that I have yet to be able to sit down and write about—yet I set myself up for this when over the summer I kept this tally in the back of my head of all that I was going to get taken care of once the boys start school. The truth is that all the stuff on my list can get done; it will just take time and it is God’s time calendar not mine. I guess I have to die to my time calendar. Hmmm, did I write recently about dying?

I was blessed in embracing this today. It’s Saturday and Joshua had pictures with his basketball game and a clinic afterwards; and Dad had promised him we would go see the new Star Wars movie that is out. Joshua has been waiting as patiently as a seven year old can wait to see this new movie and I think we all were excited to see it together. Except, today I woke up with a hunger to get things organized at home. When we have been busy and running; I tend to long for Saturday mornings at home. And I found myself longing for a quiet Saturday morning at home to clean and organize. Not my idea of fun; but I was craving it. I contemplated staying home and just letting the boys go; but I know that before I know it the boys are going to so be into boy stuff and there are plenty of opportunities in life for them to bond with boy stuff…I want to forever be able to connect with my boys and I know I need to be intentional about my time with them.

I knew my family was so looking forward to going to see the movie and I knew if we went my dream of Saturday morning organization would die for this Saturday. Hmmm, I did write recently about dying didn’t I?

After only a short discussion with Justin we left for the matinee showing of Star Wars. We had a talk on the way there about this frustration that I felt and that he too was conflicted and wanted to get some things done this Saturday…I shared with Justin my thoughts and shared how I felt like a turtle running this race for God (I know some may read this and think freak…but I had that thought on the way to Joshua’s basketball clinic and there it was a cloud shaped like a turtle). Justin said something so simple and edifying to me, ”How much is in the Bible about Elijah’s life or Moses’s life or Paul’s life?”

I love how God can use my husband to quiet my soul…Not everything in life is **black and white**. Really, is the day to day schedule that important? If my house stays unorganized for another week—another month or even another year (please God not another year) will it matter?

I have to say that I did what mattered today and I was blessed. I found so much joy in watching my boys—especially my seven year old giggle with delight while watching the movie. Joshua was enjoying the battle scenes and getting into the “good guys” winning! Praise you Father; I thank you for every moment you have blessed my life and especially with the blessings of these boys who were created to seek adventure and conquer. Help me be brave and giggle with delight as I live this life…for I know You have already won every battle that I face!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Love it, Love it, Love it!!!!