Thursday, January 12, 2012

Leaves Falling in January

I stood there watching the breeze beckoning the leaves to fall; capturing the rare moment in Arizona.  Our new community is full of trees and I’ve enjoyed watching the leaves change this season and now it’s January and the last bit of leaves are being swept away. 

I couldn’t help but stare into the moment and in a way felt God staring into my heart…and there it was—my fear exposed.  I recognized it as my heart crying out a prayer, “Please don’t sweep her away.”
I got a call that I was not expecting last week, and I think I am still numb from the news.  My sweet mother is now embarking on the breast cancer road.  We talked the other day about this scary road and my stomach feels like that leaf wafting from the heights of the tree and landing shocked on the cold concrete. 
So many emotions rolling through my head this week and I realize how this recent devastating news causes us to think back and even touch past devastations.  Our family has not been immune to heartache, disappointment and hardship—and I admit I cannot help but ask why? 

In the echo of my question, I hear the answer, “but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in your life.” (John 9:3).
My girlfriend captured this sunrise this week.
I’m anticipating the display…like artwork in the sky.  Whether morning or night—joy or despair—my God is with me. (Psalm 23) 
Just as the wind beckoned the leaves to fall…the Spirit of the Lord beckons my tears to fall and draws me to rest in His arms—pray for me Jesus…answer my mother’s prayer. 

We’re clinging to truth that combats the fear, for His perfect love drives out fear. (1John 4:18)  After talking with my mom about these fears, and one of them that this journey will mimic that of her own mothers’ who forty years ago was diagnosed in January with a life threatening illness and then left this earth five months later, missing my mother’s high school graduation. 
Many seasons have past—many leaves grown and fallen…but it’s January again and in five months my brother will graduate from high school.  Oh, to have a present wound touch a previous wound—the fear is deep and entangled and I’m so proud of my mother for tenaciously moving forward, expressing her feelings and courageously facing the fears and leaning on God.  God please allow your comfort and peace to fall on my mother and her sweet, precious heart during this time. 

With leaves scattered along the grass, I’m thankful that the landscapers are here to gather up the leaves…and my job is to gather up the truth!  I’m on a mission to gather up truth for myself and my mother to cling to during this time on the road.  These are a few scriptures I’m collecting and if you have others to share…we would treasure them and ponder them in our hearts for this present journey.  To HIM be the glory!
“Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged,
for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)

“The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save.” (Zeph 3:15)
“The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.” (Hebrews 13:5)


Anonymous said...

I will be praying for you and for your Mom, Julie! This is beautiful and I am so proud to be your friend and sister in Christ!! Deb

Josie said...

Your family and your mom will be in my prayers, Julie. ((Hugs))