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Friday, February 12, 2010

Seeking Soul Deep Security

Perfect timing!!! I’ve opened up the pages of my new book that I received in the mail on my birthday!! It’s my birthday!! I can remember getting filled with excitement when I was a little girl and my birthday would come near. Yet, at the same time I somehow convinced myself to temper my excitement as some unhealthy way to guard my heart from any disappointment.
Something was different yesterday morning when I raised my head off the pillow—besides being older. I sensed God was reminding me that this day was special…that I needed this day to remember that every day is special for all of us! I am loved today on my birthday just as I am loved every other day.
I had a brief moment of sadness realizing that as a child I lived like I was special for just a brief moment on my birthday. Somehow my birthday forced everyone to say that they loved me. For a brief moment I realized that as a little girl I would try to live off that one day of love for the entire year—and you can imagine how that played out for me.
Praise God that He has shown me the error in my thinking and I don’t have to count how many “Happy Birthdays” I got to see how loved I am or that I don’t have to wallow in disappointment because someone may have forgotten or did not have the time to send me a card.
I realize that knowing and allowing God to love me fills up every ounce of my heart and it keeps the waves of life from rocking this heart of mine. The highs just are not as high and the lows just are not as low…and frankly this is where I want to live!
I am loved and I know it because God says so and demonstrated it when He sent His son to die for me and the rest of the world. Because of God, I know I can live loved every single day and I know that I can attain what Beth Moore writes in her book “soul-deep security.”
I have to admit, I really was having a hard time with the title of her new book and really announcing on my blog that I was going to read it. I do feel like I am so much more secure now that I was even 5-10 years ago…and who wants to admit that their insecure??? I would much rather sit in a dentist chair than admit my weaknesses to my friends.
The truth of the matter is; that I am insecure and I have held onto this friend of Insecurity thinking that it is just a part of me and just a part of all of our lives. I recognize that in order to kiss this friend good-bye for good I have to fess up to befriending someone who frankly just is not benefitting me one bit!!!
Who wants to hang out with someone who gives judgmental glances and speaks only forced compliments that are read a mile away as a fake cover up of some really unpleasant discouraging thought? NOT ME!!
I am so ready to say goodbye to this friend named Insecurity!
There are parts of insecurity, frankly that I have really already chiseled away…like recognizing some hard painful things…like my self-conscious thoughts were really selfish prideful thoughts. It baffled me when I realized that the low self-esteem I had growing up as a child and into early adulthood was actually a form of pride and that whether I am thinking highly or lowly about myself…I am still just all too wrapped up in myself and that this preoccupation just needed to go!!
I admit I sometimes still get tripped up with this; but God is faithful and has helped steer me in the right direction when I admit my wayward thoughts.
Right now, I am so enthralled with this book and excited to see where God takes my heart—especially because I feel like I have opened up a new book in my life…a new project of writing my own book that He has placed on my heart. I feel so unworthy and so awkward just saying that out loud—yet at the same time there is something in my spirit that warns me not to squelch the joy and passion in my heart that God has put there and I need to say YES TO GOD and just DO IT!
I am praying that God will speak to me as I read through these chapters and help me say goodbye to the thoughts of self-doubt that I so often run across. For, I know that with God I filled with God-fidence…and He alone will fill my heart with God-Authored SECURITY; which will equip me to do all the things that He has prepared in advance for me to do. (Eph 2:10)
So thankful that friends have decided to join me in this journey! Can’t wait to see how God meshes together all of our stories in this journey of God-Authored—“Soul Deep Security.”

1 comment:

Minnesota Girl said...

I so agree with you.....I too have God and friends who really love me and want to celebrate my birthday. And if they can't, I know it's okay and their love is still with me :)